posted 03-09-2004 06:23 PM         

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00am Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30am Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
9:40am Oh Boy! A Walk! My Favorite!
10:30am Oh Boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My Favorite!
11:30am Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
Noon - Oh Boy! The Kids! My favorite!
1:00pm Oh Boy! The Yard! My Favorite!
4:00pm Oh Boy! To the Park! My Favorite!
5:00pm Oh Boy! Dog Food! My favorite!
5:30pm Oh Boy! Pretty mums! My Favorite!
6:00pm Oh Boy! Playing Ball! My favorite!
6:30pm Oh Boy! Watching TV with my master! My Favorite!
8:30pm Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Today my attemp to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were wlking almost suceeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Must try this on their bed.

Decapitated amouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plans.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.