WOW never thought putting my cat to sleep would hurt so much

Today May 17th was the last day in my loving home for my oldest of 8 indoor cats, my 12 year old all black cat named PUNKIN, who I had adoped since she was 4 months old, in 1992.

WARNING>>The following is a fair bit emotionally graphic and detailed, so those of the weak of heart or xtra-sensitive may not wish to continue.

Last month she had a huge tumor removed from her abdomen area and also one kidney removed, and the vet thought she got it all. She almost didn't make it thru surgery but she did and rebounded nicely and was almost like new so to speak for the last 5 weeks. That made it worth the 900 dollars it cost me to keep her for a few extra weeks..but I was hoping for a few extra years as 12 is senior but not ultra-senior. But then last FRIDAY, 3 days ago, suddenly she stopped eating on her own and I ended up force feeding her water and food til today when I saw the vet and apparently the cat went into renal failure over the weekend. She said the cat was hurting big time. I knew it. I could tell..The options were 1- IV dialysis which could be done at home, but just prolonging the agony and the inevitable, or 2- to put her down. I chose the latter. I had a strong feeling this was going to be the outcome before I even went into the vet today so I spent some quality time with her while I was resting before the early morning appointment, let her lay on my chest and I just kinda spoke to her and told her she was a good girl,,and that I loved her..and that I was sorry I couldn't help her any more but that she probably will have to leave me and her other "siblings" in a short while. And sure enough this prediction came to pass.
I am more upset , not so much for me, which of course hurts, and the money I spent last month feels wasted but I had to give her at least one more shot at life, but there are 7 others in the household, and I feel bad for these other cats who will likely miss her in whatever feline way cats miss another cat who suddenly disappears from the household. Some of my other cats have been with her for 7-10 years. I hope they adjust ok. Guess I'll have to pay a little more attention to each for awhile.
I actually chose to be present thru the whole scenario, figured it would be better in the long run for me and offer some closure. I helped the technician hold her down and talked to her my final words as the procedure took place.. It was quick and painless and over in less than 30 seconds after the injection..aside from the initial stick with the needle, which took her 2 or 3 times to find a vein and she yelped each time , and that was troublesome, but I still knew what we had to do was best..of course in the long run. She was finally at peace and I felt ok but still sad that I did the last humane gesture possible for this wonderful pet of mine for 12 years. She was friendly to everyone she met from the start, even strangers, and moreso than any of my other cats. That was her finest trait. She could be a bitch tho to new cats which were introduced into the household but after a few months she got used to them..LOL.....

I had decided rather than cremation I would take her home wrapped in the towel I brought her in with, and I would bury her in the backyard.
I stopped at LOWES and bought a plastic storage bin with lid and placed her in it along with a general purpose blank greeting card (later sealed in plastic) which had a pic of a cat on the front, and I wrote a short note to her, and also put in an old cross I used to wear whose loop for the chain had broken off but I had saved the cross( sounds corny but I am wacko Christian about a few things and extended it as a gesture of Gods love to animals)..and I put this all in together with the cat. I also thought it would be nice to save some of her fur(like some people take a lock of hair from a deceased person)..so I had to unwrap the towel and cut a small portion of fur from her tail..I don't know how I did it but I did it all..and of course it is sad and I am crying a little as I write this ..I asked my neighbor to help dig the burial site with me and we were able to do it in about 15 minutes. I chose a place along the border of my backyard fence and I also at Lowes bought a 10 gallon fairly well developed hibiscus plant which had 2 yellow flowers in bloom and I planted that on top as a tribute.
They(VET) didn't make me "settle up" the charges, they said they would bill me. I am one of their best customers with all the cats I have brought in over the years for annual exams, shots, emergencies etc etc..I was happy with their sensitivity on this and most all the other painful issues.
I guess it will take some time but I feel the steps I took today, from being present during the procedure, to taking her home to be buried, to the notes and the plant, will help reconcile me and ease the pain as the days go by. But I will never forget her. If I ever adopt another cat, which oddly enough there is another black one hanging around outside for a year now that I have been feeding and offering shelter on the porch from the cold and rain,..I am debating whether to take him/her in as a replacement, maybe call her PUNKIN TWO, but my brain tells me 7 is ENOUGH!!
Who knows??
Thanks for reading!

 

Im so sorry.... i was really sad when we had to put down 2 siemieese cats that my parents had had for 2 years before i was born up until i was 8 and even then i was sad, thanks for sharing and im sure you did the best with a sad situation. Take care

 

I'm very sorry for you loss. :cry:

 

Disneeworld: Please check your private messages.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you're feeling. Hang in there.

 

thx for the replies and PM! :!:

 

very sad for your little kitty. i couldnt be in the same room when i chose to euthenize my kitty otis after he had been sick all day, then had a seizure in the middle of the night. most painful experience. the loss was just pure grief...i just remember how sad i was to loose him. still am. sorry for your loss. lynn h

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss :cry: I had to say goodbye to my Spooky last fall and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. You were very brave to be with Punkin at the end.

 

I am sorry...this is a difficult choice we pet lovers must face now and then. The toughest choice we make regarding our loved pets - but letting them end their suffering with love and dignity is the ultimate gift we give them.

 

im sorry to hear that i cried reading it and ur kitty looks so much ike my teddy bear that is missing now....i to have 5 cats buried in my bckyard and all of them have tiny crosses on the tops of their graves and in w/ them is a lil somthing special.. like my cat jason i had since i was like 5 was born on my baby blanket and ive always kept it 4 him to sleep on at night he loved it i had it 4 15 years so u can imagine what it looked like there was barely anothing left well thats buried w/ my jay hes laying peacfully on his blanket.... and there is pix w/ him of me and him when were were little etc... and he loved to lay in the rose garden my brother and dad always laughed at him saying he was a weird cat cause he loved to smell the roses so there is a min. rose bush on top of his grave also and my other kittys have a carnation bush a gardiena bush a tulip plant and a wild orchid... everyday i go and visit them and sit and talk to them even though they arent really there they can still hear me i think.... i miss everyone of them like crazy even the ones that were buried years ago.... but nothing was a hard as jason when he left 2 years ago....

 

im sorry to hear about your little kitty.

Iv only had to watch one of my cats be put down, he had a mouth tumur or something like that that was only ever found in dogs, and there was no treatment.

COULD MAKE SOME TEARFUL,

when at the vets, he was really scared, me, mum and dad were holding him. He had to have an injection.

As the injection went in, he turned his head round and looked up at me, really scared, and then he just went limp in the vets arms.

Its one of the worst things iv had to experience.

we knew a week before that he was going to be put down, and it was agony. He slept on my bed the last night, and i cudlled him.

 

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You did everything right and took great care of her. Punkin was a beautiful cat.
I had to put down my first kitty Pooky at the dr.'s because he had renal failure at 1 1/2 year old ( too much in breeding- we did not know about it until it was too late). He gave me a present that could never be taken away and that was a moment of radiationg unconditional love that I never felt with any other cat since or even people. Then I lost Venus last July when she was hit by a car. We buried her in our backyard too where she used to love to roam. I plan to plant a bleeding heart bush there soon. I'm trying to grow one right now.
There will always be an ache in our heart that never goes away. But, we'll always remember the times we shared together. It's funny sometimes when my husband who doesn't believe in ghosts will swear that he sees Vene running around. Then I get jealous because I don't see her.
Lots of love and hugs to you and hang in there!

 

Thanks again for all the kind words, it's been a tough and very very sad 24 hours. Even though there are still plenty of cats roaming the house, I still miss her a lot.
I keep thinking is it anything I did that caused this to happen, like overdoing the omega fatty acid supplement I bought since her tumor and one kidney removal early April..I thought maybe I overdosed her and that but a strain on her one remaining kidney, but then I didn't see anything on the internet relating to that. Or maybe I didn't monitor her drinking water habits close enough tho I think she did well with food and water the past 5 weeks, she had gained almost a pound since her surgery, which was very positive..I guess everyone goes thru some guilt or remorse in these instances and I am sure it will subside eventually.
I am still waiting to see if the other cats notice she is gone(she was absent from home 3 days during surgery and recovery so too soon to tell), and hope they won't react weirdly, like soiling everywhere for revenge, LOL..
Again thanks for the comments. :cry:

 

i think that is why they say "hindsight is 20/20". it sounds to me like you did everything you could to save the little guy, and if you would have known of something better to do at the time, you would have done it. thank goodness he had someone who loved him and cared about his well-being. dont beat yourself up about it. you did the best you could.

 

So sorry about your kitty. I have put two to sleep. One eleven years ago at 20 years old and another 4 weeks ago at 11 years old. It's not easy but you did everything you could.

 

here is a photo of otis, my beautiful "bubby" who passed away on march 17, 2004. he was a heck of a cat....the best. i still cry. miss him very much.