canine ehrlichiosis (looking for recovery-stories..)

Thats great news....keeping my fingers crossed for him and Im looking forward to the day you put in a post saying he's all clear.

 

Hi,
Just wondering how Sami is doing now? - Haven't seen anything from you for a while.... ?

 

sad news this time..

Everything`s so complicated right now..I did some research in the internet a couple of days ago, and I was horrified to read about the disease called leishmaniosis, many of Sami`s symptoms are similar to that disease also, especially the skin-disorders, ulcers, hairloss around the eyes and hematological test...So I called the vet (Who didn´t know much about the disease) and she wanted to take a sample from Sami`s lympha nodes and skin. We`ll get the results in a week, and we`ll know if it is also leishmanios. if it is a simultaneus infection with ehrlichia and leichmaniosis, there is propably nothing to do anymore, because there´s no propal treatment for leishmaniosis. I just wish that those skin problems aren`t related to leishmaniosis, but the symptoms are so obvious, that I don´t dare to be too optimistic. Sami´s in a stable state, eating well, allthought he keeps on sctratching and biting his hind legs, (we`ve got some antibiotics for the infected skin ares also..) We`ll just wait for the results, and then decide what to do. I understand I musn`t be selfish, and I know that if the situation get`s worse, I have to let sami go, no matter how much it hurts, I believe it´s my duty. Fingers crossed for the test results.

 

Life is so damn unfair!!!!!

We`ve got the testresults, that confirmed the leishmaniosis. I`m totally devastated. There´s a treatment that could perhaps help Sami live a bit longer life, but the treatment is so painful and long-term and doesn´t cure the disease, so I have decided to make the last favour for my beloved dog. He`s a bit depressed and he´s got mild fever, and he doesn`t eat much, and his scratching his skin all the time. Though he`s sick, putting him down is a very hard decision. Tomorrow 14.45 he will be put to sleep. We`ll the take last walk in the woods, and I`ll give him the last portion of vanilla-ice cream (which is his favourite) and say farewells to him. Maybe we`ll meet again.
It has been emotional rollercoaster for me these past weeks. Nobody knew whether he was going to be ok or not. At least now I know for sure my friend is never going to get well, and there´s nothing to be done.
After Sami`s gone, I will leave from Finland for a while. Backpacking to Scotland or something. Need to find some space to clear thing out.I don´t know how I`m ever going to get pass this. They say that the wounds will heal as the time goes by, but I don`t know..I`ve never by this age lost anybody dear to me. It`s all life, but honestly I don`t know, how I`m ever going to deal with my grief. Just a thought about coming home without having Sami there, wagging his tale and grinning his weird smile (Dogs can smile!) is unbearable.

 

Sunny I am so very sorry for you and for Sami, you did everything you could do, I know how hard it is to make this decision, it takes a lot of courage and a lot of love and selflessness. The wounds will heal but it does take time, its okay to cry, to be angry, frustrated and to feel helpless. Its all part of grieving But I can promise you this, one day, and probably when you least expect it you will think about Sami and smile again. I had to put my Rott Babe to sleep (the one on the avatar) 18 months ago due to bone cancer, I still get sad sometimes but I can picture her now at the dog park where that photo was taken, playing with the other dogs, chasing every tennis ball that people threw, sometimes 3 or 4 at the same time....you will never forget Sami and a part of you will always miss him, it'll take time to heal.
We are all here for you.

 

I am so sorry to hear this. You will indeed get past this with time, but knowing that does not make it any easier right now. You are doing the right thing for Sami. Be with him until the end.

I firmly believe that he will find a way back to you. It may not be right away, but someday you will see him in another dog's eyes and know he has chosen you again.

Some time away sounds like a good idea. Some people find that a new dog helps with the grief but for others it makes it worse. You will know what is right for yourself.

Again, I am so sorry about Sami.

 

thank you for those words..

Thank you all for those very comforting words. I found this beautiful poem, and I would like to dedicate it to all who have lost their beloved pets way too soon. (I had to translate it from Finnish into English, so it`s a bit clumsy)

"What we were, we are still
What we had, we still have
our shared past, always there
So when you`re wondering around the woods, where we used to wander together
And when you seek for my shadow from the sunny hill
and when you climb on the rock
and with your hand you look for me as you always did
you can`t find me anymore
and you feel the sadness in your heart,
just be quiet for a moment
Close your eyes
Breath
Listen to the sound of my pawsteps in your heart
I`m not gone, I wander with you
Always in you"
-unknown author

Sami´s sleeping under the table, propably dreaming because I can here some squeking and growling every now and then. Sami`s a great dog, best of a kind, my loyal friend. He has been in my life for only 8 months, but in that time he has conquered my heart among the others. He`s a friendly creature, I have never seen him acting aggressively towards anybody. He had this amazing energy in him, that was the first thing I noticed about Sami when I first came across to him. I was working in Greece as au pair, when this tangled and skinny little stray dog walked in to my life. I noticed immediately, that there was something extraordinary in him; His eyes were not like you used to see on strays, tired and foggy, they were burning with this unexplained anxiety, lust for life. And when it was time for me to go back home in Finland, there was no way I could have left him there. I knew I took a risk, when I adopted him, but there was really no other option.
Everything was fine when he came here, he had a family and he really enjoyed of life. He loved to play in the snow, everything was so new and interesting. I took him everywhere I went. I don`t know if he had ever been in car before, but he really loves car-rides. Everytime somebody opens the door of the car, Sami`s the first to jump inside " Okay where we´re going? Where?!" tomorrow we`ll take a nice and long ride before entering the clinick.
And about a month ago he started having these weird symptoms due to these diseases. Now I know, why he hasn`t been quite himself.
Tomorrow will be a long day. I know I will collapse completely in the clinick, but who cares, I have the right to be miserable. My friend is taking me there, so I have some sort of emotional back-up. It will be the hardest thing to come home from the vet, holding Sami`s collar and flex.

 

You gave this dog the greatest gift he could ever ask for. His last 8 months were spent warm and loved. His life, though short, was better than most strays could ever hope for. I'm sure many strays that never find their family would gladly trade 10 years of misery for 8 months in a loving family.

Definitely have a friend drive you so you don't have to drive home. I found when I lost my dog almost 2 years ago that making a memorial helped a little bit. I realized I was in such shock that I buried her with her collar on, so I had more tags made and hung them on a photo collage. In the spring I planted flowers over her grave. It was weeks before the nightmares stopped and months before I stopped hearing her tags jingle when I walked into the yard. I still can't type this without crying. But in my case, I have tons of regret over the things I didn't know that I could have done better for her. I can never, ever make it up to her now. Be comforted in the knowledge that you have given Sami a wonderful life and are easing his path to the next world.

I am sure you have heard the Rainbow Bridge poem. Here is another that I find comforting.

 

Sami was put to sleep

Sami was put to sleep today,half an hour ago. He looked so peaceful. I said my farewells to him. I hope he`s in a better place right now. The door opened by itself when the vet was injecting him with the overdose, I hope it was Sami`s soul getting out of that room. It hurts so much. So much. I feel so empty and useless. There`s absolutely no point in anything anymore. How long does this surreal feeling last? It feels like this isn`t reality anymore, it´s just some funny nightmare, from which I`m going to wake up any moment now, and take Sami for a nice little afternoon walk in the park.

 

We're here for you Sunny. :cry:

 

Just hang in there, sunny. Come talk to us if you need to talk. Do you have a friend you can call when it gets really bad? You WILL get through this. It doesn't seem like it now, but you will.

 

Here is a website dedicated to supporting those who have lost pets: http://www.petloss.com/

Everyone else, go to that page and click on the Meeting at the Bridge story. You have to scroll down a ways to get to it. It is a truly remarkable story. They say it is all true.

 

still can´t believe this is happening

We just went for a ride with a couple of friends. I tried to share some of my sorrow and they tried to understand me as well as they could, but somehow I always get this feeling "Ok, now I`m just ruining their day by complaining and crying and being pathetic" They`re all wonderful friends, but none of them has ever owned a pet so they can´t possibly know what I`m going through. My mother is a wonderful support, because she was also really attached to Sami, so she´s the one to cry and grief with me. So I´m not all alone. By writing here, I can somehow clear out my emotions, without really disturbing anybody. And I`m so happy for having these comforting messages, perhaps I`m not the only one in the world who have ever lost a loved one.
Sami was a big part of my life. Now I feel like there`s a huge hole in me. Why would I get up in the morning, when Sami´s not there waiting for me? This is hearbreaking.
It has been only for 4 hours since Sami fell asleep, but it feels like it was ages ago, when I was stroking his head and when I finally shut his empty eyes. I really didn`t want to leave him there alone.
I`ll take it day by day, trying to deal with my sorrow, trying to survive.
Entering the house is the hardest part. Every time I come inside the house I really expect Sami to rush down and greet me, like he always did. I have a hard time trying to except what happened, allthought I somehow thought I was ready. But I wasn`t. I wish Sami was still here.If I only would have had one more day with him.
Ok I`m not writing a bible here..

 

Write as much as you need to, Sunny. Writing can be very therapeutic in times of grief. We ALL know what you are going through, and we also know how it is when people don't understand because it was "just a dog." We know that's not true. Several people here lost very beloved dogs last year. It was an incredibly hard year for a good number of us. Sams, Gina, and Sargesmom are three that come to mind immediately. I'm sure they will be glad to share their experiences with you and they are living proof that you can go on.

Some people find that another dog helps to fill the void left by the passing of a loved one. But others can't bear the thought, at least for a while. It's a very personal decision.

Sami is in a better place. He is grateful for you to have the strength to give him the last gift of a peaceful passing.

 

When things get tough...

Still alive here..This was a really bad day for me. I just burst into tears, no matter where I am, and people start to look awkwardly..This morning I saw Sami`s footprints in the snow, and it made me feel so sad. Only yestrorday he was there. Still can`t believe he´s gone.
And now I`m feeling guilt. Was there anything I could have done? Perhaps, with medication, he could have survived for months, maybe a year. He had these two potentalially fatal diseases, but what if..?It felt so bad to leave him there. All I could think was that anything`s better than being dead. I know it sounds so cynical, but it felt so bad to see him there lying, without breathing. God this is difficult..It would have been so much easier to accept this, if the dog would have lived a long, full life. But he was way too young.
I feel like it wasn`t really me, who made the decision of letting Sami go. it wasn`t me, who walked the dog in the vetenerian office, and gently stroked his fur during the euthanasia. It was somebody else, because I wasn`t strong enaugh, though somewhere deep down I knew it was the right thing to do. Now, after Sami`s death, I really don`t know where I found that courage. I`m again this small person, with this torchering grief inside of me. I know, that I`m actually just grieving for me,for my loss, for my sorry life, with this huge hole in it. I know Sami`s fine. He somewhere over the rainbowbridge, chasing cats and barking at squirrels.

 

Your feelings are completely understandable. There is always guilt when you make this terrible decision, but you know that you did the right thing and I'm sure Sami is grateful. The feelings of detachment are also quite normal.

When I lost my dog, I spent a week or two bursting into tears at random times. I brought a box of tissues to work with me so I could sit at my desk and cry. It seemed like that's all I did. I had nightmares about losing other family members. I had terrible guilt (still do) about the circumstances of her life and death.

But someday the pain will be less and you will be able to remember Sami with a smile instead of tears.

Maybe writing a journal might help? Like, write letters to Sami about how you feel and what you remember doing with him. It may be a big cry-fest while you do it, but it might help. And then in a week or two you can look back and be able to see what progress you have made toward healing.

Just take it one day at a time, Sunny. Or if that's too much, one hour at a time.

 

:cry:

Dear Sunny I am so sorry to read about Sami. - When there hadn't been an update for a few days after my last query I had assumed Sami was on the mend, and then today after a long break I revisited the site. :shock:
As I caught up with the thread it became hard to see it through my tears.

As others have said, please keep posting and we are here to listen. I had to have a dog pts last August and the loss of such a great friend I know is incredibly hard to deal with, it takes a lot of time and soul searching to get through the sorrow and feelings of guilt, or the "what if....?'s"
But get through it you will, in time, and then as has been said your memories will bring smiles instead of tears.

Take care, and big hugs

 

about having these dreams...

I still keep on browsing this web-site every now and then, but opening this topic is very hard for me. Thank balibabe for the message.
I lit a candle for Sami`s memory on the petloss.com-page, but I really can`t revisit the site anymore, it always makes me to cry my eyes out.
I have started having these weird dreams a couple of days after Sami past away. It`s always the same dream; Sami`s here with me, and we do the stuff we used to do together, everything seems to be normal, but in the dream I know that Sami has been given the lethal dose of that drug they use to put an animal down, but Sami just keeps on living. I just think that perhaps there are some dogs that are immune to that drug. But I`m still worried abut him, and I keep on pushing my ear against his chest to listen and to make sure that his heart is still beating. Allthough it`s not a comforting dream, (It`s almost somehow menacing) I`m still happy to see Sami being okay, though it´s just a dream. [/url][/list]

 

Dear Sunny...

Just bawled my eyes out over your story... Hope you are finding that time helps with the grief...

I went through a stage of reading about near death experiences...

Regarding my pets passing, I found great comfort in reading that 75% of the people who go through this, meet up with their beloved pets who passed on before them - during the experience...

Take comfort in knowing that Sami had a wonderful life with you... Many animals will never know the love that he knew. Sami spent the time on this earth that he was meant to spend... And aren't you lucky... You are the human that got to share it with him...

 

Thanks Cheryl...After I read your message I searched some information about these people who have have near death-experiences, and there were some amazing stories. Though I have never believed in such things, now I really do have strong feeling, that there is a certain dog waiting for me up there.