Dealing with the Aftermath- My Story. Share Yours.

Well.... what I didn't tell you guys before was that when my Rowdy died, I was so shaken that I didn't know what to do with his body. Seriously. My mind was so messed up that I didn't know if I wanted to bury him or what. I contemplated stuffing him, digging a hole, and finally... cremation. I've never been a fan of cremation but I knew that we wouldn't be living in this house forever so I really wanted to have him cremated so that we could take him with us wherever we went for always.

I called around in the middle of the night and found one place that did it. Woke the poor guy up and everything. Almost 50 miles from here. So here's my husband driving around having to find a freezer to buy so that we could place him in there and keep him cold. (Yes, I know how weird it sounds) I had planned on doing it that Monday morning because he died on a Saturday night. Anyway, Monday I was too distraught so it dragged into Tuesday and then Wednesday and then well...I decided I couldn't do it so I pleaded with my husband to do it. Well, he couldn't do it either so before you know it...it was a month later. :cry: Rowdy was still lying in the freezer. We brought him flowers every week and I would go in the basement and talk to him and cry.

My mom called me continuously asking me if Rowdy was still in the freezer, telling me how pathetic and crazy I was. Finally, she just quit speaking to me.

Well, I somehow worked up the nerve and just yesterday...I finally went to the crematory by myself. My friend was supposed to go with me but he left me hanging at the last minute. I can't tell you the horrible thoughts that go through your mind while you're driving your dead frozen best friend up the highway. It was hell. I think I went into shock mode.

It was EVERY bit as bad as I thought it would be. The place was old and dumpy. It was 9 am so it was just opening up. I parked out front and went in. There sat an old fat man who looked strangely similar to that blob thing on a movie I saw once. He had tubes sticking out of his nose and he frowned at me from behind his big oak desk. Another guy took my money and was going to show me some urns as well. I followed him down the hallway into a room where a dead woman was lying in a coffin still. I couldn't help but wonder why she was lying there if they had just opened up. I tried not to notice her and he proceeded to show me some urns. None were to my liking so he pulled out a catalog and I picked out a nice one from there. It was one of those kitty cat statue things but I couldn't figure out if I wanted a plaque or not. I just didn't know what to say on it. I told him my husband could decide when he picked him up later that day.

When he asked me the date that Rowdy had died and I said Sept.12 and it was now October 18th, I felt I had to explain it to him that I just couldn't part with my cat. He said that wasn't at all strange, that alot of people do the same thing because they just can't let go. I still felt strangely like Norman Bates though. On the other hand, Reagan lied in state for a week so what the hay.

He came out to the car and got Rowdy. He showed not much concern for him nor I. He picked him up as if he had been a television set or something. Of course, he could never have shown enough concern for me since it wasn't his loved one. You probably know what I mean if you've been in that situation.

When I was leaving, a man came in and picked up a box of ashes from the fat man and started to cry. I couldn't help but ask the funeral home guy if that was his wife who had died. Yes, he said. I watched the man drive away with his dead wife in the car with a terrible pain in my heart. I wish I would've just gone up to him and hugged him and listened to him cry. He probably would've thought I was a fool for doing so, so I withheld at the time. I knew at that moment that as bad as I felt, this man must've surely felt so so much worse. I gave thanks to God that it wasn't my husband's ashes that I would have to be carrying that day.

I reluctantly left Rowdy there in his little blanket all alone. I couldn't even cry driving back home. I was too numb with horror to do anything. The fragility of life was apparent to me that day. Too apparent and it saddens me still like I can't even begin to describe.

My husband picked him up with no urn. Just a little plastic box with his name on top and a certificate of death. When I saw his name on the certificate in black and white, I just broke down and sobbed. I STILL can NOT believe that this has happened. So there he sits on the mantel awaiting an urn. My Rowdy. My sweet beautiful kitty cat. All that's left of him in a small white plastic box. I'll never see his eyes again. Never feel his fur. Never be able to play with ears like he loved so.

My mom is still not speaking to me and you know what? It hurts like hell but part of me doesn't even care. I did nothing wrong. My only crime was not being able to let go of my precious friend until yesterday and even so.... I think God will forgive me for that even if my mother doesn't.

I need a hug. A kind word. Someone to tell me that I'm not crazy. Or if I am, tell me. So that I will know... for next time.

I'd also like to hear your stories of what you did when it happened to you. Whether you chose burial or cremation. If you'd like to share with a 'crazy' person.

I found an urn online that looks just like the one I'm planning on getting. I wanted to show you.

It's the one on the right

The sitting one. They said I could personalize it anyway I wanted. So far though, I haven't been able to decide what to say. What do you say in three lines or less than can ever really sum up the gratitude you feel for having had them in your lives. For them being there through thick and thin. For being your bestest friend in the whole world.

I still don't know.

Anyway, tell me your stories if you will. I'd love to hear them.

In friendship, Cindy

 

hi cindy...

i like the urn you selected. :y_the_best:

we all have our own individual ways of handling death. you are not crazy. you loved your kitty. people do all kinds of things in grief...that may seem wierd to others...but it really isnt weird at all...its just deep deep sadness and sometimes desparation.

the last night with otis...i took him to the emergency at 3:30 am...he had a seizure, but i knew all day something was terribly wrong. i chose to have him put to sleep. he was taken out of the room after i spent time with him. i was devastated. i cried and cried and cried. i couldnt decide on an urn that night. but i knew i wanted him cremated.

so the next day..i had my best guy friend meet me at the clinic...and i chose an urn from them. i was a basket case...sobbing out loud... they sent all the info, along with otis to the crematorium...it was speciifically for animals. the guy who ran it was very very nice. it was his own private business.

he came about a month later. his ashes in an urn. he was supposed to be brought to my house after two weeks...when i finally called...he was very apologetic...and said he thought he had already delived him...then he found the urn. he delivered otis himself...he felt so bad.

i have his urn by his picture. i have another picture of him on my nightstand...next to my cross. i have his picture as the background on my computer. i sure did love that cat!! and i still have deep, profound sadness over his death. i dont cry every day or anything like that. but...when i think of him, and when i write this kind of post...i cry and cry. i just loved him so much

now...i just want to love max and mikey as much as i loved otis. and i do. they are different cats...but i love them so much. of course otis was with me for almost twenty years...many of those years ive been single. so...he was my buddy... :kiss_heart: :m10:

thats my story...

 

You've just shown me the depth of your love you have for Rowdy. You are normal, grieving the best you can for your bestest buddy. There's nothing wrong in that. In my culture, some people will not bury or cremate their loved ones for 49 days thinking their souls are still alive and has feelings. I read recently that a Tailand (I think) family left their dead teenage son in a bedroom for 14 or 15 years for savekeeping.

I was in shock when my husband and I decided to bury Vene in our backyard. She had just gotten hit by a car. We took a plastic bag and lifted her in it. We brought her home and found the perfect spot- in our burm where she loves to roam when she was alive. We dug a hole and dropped her in. Her beautiful green eyes were still open. Hubby kept mumbling "don't let me see her eyes." I just didn't know how to turn her head. To this day, her eyes still haunt me. :cry: There was no question about it. We wanted Vene in our backyard because this is our forever home and hers too.

Moms are a strange species. She'll come around when she's ready. My mom just visited with my dad last weekend and we went to our backyard where Venus is buried. She is remembered with a cat plaque in a sleeping post and buried next to a gorgeous red Maple! I made the mistake of telling my mom I still see or sense Vene in our house. After she went home she told me she consulted with various people and said I'm hindering the cat from reincarnating. I told her what do they know and to keep her thoughts to herself. She told me that I'm forcing Vene to be attached to the earthly plane and I should let go. I have no idea what she's talking about. For all I know Vene is probably in kitty heaven and visits me only when I'm sad and is thinking about her. I am so mad at my mom right now I can sense steam coming out of my head or is it ears? :x :m36:

 

When my Tami went over the bridge at nearly 16 years old age I had her creamated. I left her ashes in my bedroom for a long long time along with my dog who died a few months after she did. Then that August my Bird (parakeet) was murdered - so I had 3 long-time deceased pets I had to deal with. Both Tami and Daisy dawg had been cremated and I continued to keep their ashes close by, but Bird was in body. So while no one was at home I took Bird and put him in a little wicker basket I had gotten stationary or something in and took him along with my other 2 lost loved ones outside to a rock in our front yard and buried them together. Before hand I took a photo of each and wrote their names/birthdates and date of passing on the back of the photo and wrapped it up in plastic wrap and put them in with the pet.

I have tried planting a Bleeding Heart over their burial site but it won't grow!!! But I've planted other and they flourish.

 

Mary, that's a nice thing you did for your babies. I grew a bleeding heart plant intended for Vene. It had a beautiful bloom earlier this year but I still haven't transplanted it yet. Did you plant another bleeding heart or a different type of plant?

 

*wipes away tears and sniffles like a fool*

those are all very sad stories... which touched my heart.

Rowdy> reading your story was like reading something in a readers digest magazine. u should try submitting it. seriously. i think it was a very beautifully written piece of your heart that should be shared.

And everyone, i'm sorry for your pain and losses as well.

My nearest and dearest pain has to do with my golden retriever, Megen.

She died a year ago in May... and she was 10 years old.

She was my first dog. sure my family had dogs growing up but i was young and they werent 'mine'. Megen was.

before i got her i researched all the dog breeds and settled on the golden. (not be be confused with the yellow lab- 2 different dogs.)

i then dove head first into my artwork (i was still in high school) and did as many comissions as i could. i finally raised the money the breeder was asking and got her.

i was 16 at the time and she became my world.

My mother had just divorced my father and got a boyfriend who hated me and spent every oppertunity he could tormenting me and my pup. me i didnt care about... Megen i did. and i faught tooth and nail for her.

in the end bad things happened and i ended up living with my grandparents. Megen was always there... always with me through it all. She was so forgiving and always made me feel better.

She was with me through my first job... through tougher times when i didnt feel i could go on..

all the while she grew older, and developed health problems- but always had love to give.

Finally, when it became apparent she couldnt get up and down the stairs anymore (i was living in a basement apt now) and my fiancee had to carry her up and down (a 60+pound dog here) and she developed skin conditions and forever had ear infections i knew it was time.

i couldnt bring myself to call the vet... so i told my fiancee to call someday while i was at work. i didnt want him to tell me he had the vet do it... i wanted to know she went in her sleep. i could NOT BARE to know i killed her. *am in tears now*

Then one day a month or so after our talk i came home to my man at the door... i could tell by the look on his face- my stomach fell and he whispered, "Megens gone.."

when i came in she was in her bed all covered up...laying so still. i lost it. i fell to my knees and started bawling like a woman gone mad.

He held me and rocked me a good hour and a half before i could look at him, and it was even longer before i could glance over at her.

i kept hearing myself whisper in my mind, she's only asleep...like usual just asleep...

course my rational mind knew it was a lie.

Two hours later my brother showed up with his car... my fiancee asked if i wanted to go over and say goodbye to her... i couldnt. no way i could. i was barely hanging on to sanity as it was.

So then just when they had gathered her up and was ready to take her i snapped out of it and told them to wait. i ran around the house gathering up her favorite toys and blankets... and put them with her- still hardly able to look at her. i told them to make sure she had those things with her and that she was wrapped warmly. (silly huh i know)

creamation wasnt even a thought... i couldnt afford it and i dont think if i had been able to i'd want to know her ashes were THERE with me... and SHE in body wasnt... it woulda been too hard.

so i asked clayton and my bro to take her to my nannies... a 45min drive away and burry her there.

They did so under my nannies burning bush by the tree where my grandfather had made a dog house for her when we first went to live there.

Today it's quiet.. i bought a hard plastic customised headstone for her... (found it in an avon type book when i was visting inlaws in the states) so thats up there with her name and dates on it... theres some planters, some figurines and part of my soul.

i miss her so much- she was my strength, sometimes it's hard to go on without her. But i've done some paintings of her and have them up.. as well as regular pictures.

loosing a pet is hard... they are your child. but... *sighs* it's the way of things and something we must all agree to when we first agree to love.

 

vene...nothing will grow there. I had daffodils there but they suddenly stopped blooming. It's really strange. I don't want to keep spending $$ on plants although I would love to have something there to memorial them.

 

Use potted plants, works everytime Mary!

 

:cry: Reading your stories made me cry :cry:

Our family has lost three cats earlier, but I was so young then, i can't remember if i cried or what i felt...
But i have been told that i wanted to take my dad with me, so we could dig up one of the cat six months after we burried him, to see the skeleton :? I was six years at the time...

My beloved guinea pig, Alfa, died 3 or 4 years ago. I remember i came home from school, and she was lying in her cage, not moving at all. I screamed and started to cry. My dad had to pick her up and put her in a box, i was too shaky to do anything.
He wanted to throw her in the trash (!) but i refused doing that. She had been my friend for two years! I wanted to bury her, but there was one small problem: it was in the middle of the winter, and the ground was frozen...
So i had to keep Alfa in our freezer for 6 months... When the spring came we burried her in my grandparents garden.

 

In 2001, I had my kitty Jezzabelle put to sleep after she had dealt with CRF for almost two years. It was the saddest day ever, but I felt good knowing her suffering was over. I was with her untill the very end. The vet's office where I go are wonderful. After she was asleep, the vet gave me some time and then one of the techs took her away. I got to pick her up 2 days later. They had picked a lovely urn for her and had charged me a very reasonable price for everything. A week or so later a very nice card from the vet that was personalized was sent to my home. Jezzabelle, now hangs out in my home office on a bookshelf. This weekend when I was cleaning the bookshelf and packing up books I didn't need out anylonger....and DH was filing paper work, I took a moment to tell JB, how much I missed her and how much she would have hated Hunter (he's a big pain in the but...and JB was such a prissy kitty, my mom called her prissy,.)
Anyway....our animals touch our lives and I feel VERY VERY thankful that I have a vet that is sooooo wonderful!

 

This is one of the saddest posts I've ever read....all your stories are so touching. :cry:
One of the saddest days of my life was the day my rabbit died. I was only 16yrs old at the time but this rabbit was just such a wonderful companion. I used to take her everywhere with me, she would lay on my bed with me while I did my homework and follow me all around the house. She was 5yrs old and had a loss of appetite for a few days prior to her death. I had spent the night at a friends house and got a call from my mother in the morning saying that she had taken Thumper to the vet and she had passed away while there. I was so devestated and felt guilty for not being with her before she died. I cried for weeks and dreamed of her almost every night for months. I was too young at the time to make the decision of what to do with her body....my mother left her at the vet and told me she would be buried in a special Pet Cemetary.
Its 10yrs later and I still think of her often and still miss her very much.

 

oh sweetie..you are not a basket case...at all...when my first cat Candy was ill..i spent over $600 at the vet getting ultrasounds and such..they could never figure out what was wrong..she was gettin worse and worse...after a few days of bottle feeding her and force feeding her baby food..we decided to have her put to sleep...i was sobbing the whole day and night..i just couldnt bring myself to take her to the vet to do it..then my mom clld me into my bedroom where my baby was on my bed...she started coughing then just stopped breathing...it sounds weird but i was soo relived bc i dont think i could have brought her to be put down...well we also wrestled w/ the idea of burial or cremation..and finally chose cremation..the vet made all the arraingmnts..and i spent $500 on a beautiful marble box where my baby is today...she stays on my mantle where i can see her every single day...

Hugs for you hun!!

 

I have nothing to add to this story because my anaimal are still here but I feel for everyone & if It makes you feel any better my mom died In june & she still is stiiing at the furnural home waiting to be placed at rest it is hard when your husband workd 80 something hours a week & you mom is on cape cod & your up in NH
hug for everyone who has ever lost a pet

 

None of you are crazy or mad or insane or anything else. Grief is a personal thing and you have to cope in your own way. No one else can understand your particular personal pain and thoughts, and no one has the right to tell you how to feel or criticize you for it.
Gail prepares for the cats she (or I) may lose over the winter by digging a grave or two in the Fall (we're realists, I guess) and has about 40 cats and kittens in her back yard, in a small wooded area on the other side of her fence. Each cat has their own rock, painted a different color, with their name on it. Flowers don't want to grow there so we get silk flowers or some little thing that reminds us of the puss, and put that by their rock. We are lucky because her hubby is a funeral director and gets us small, plain baby coffins to put the kitties in, and he will close their eyes for us because they never seem to on their own. In the spring we both go there to fix things up and sprinkle as many catnip seeds as we can around the outside of the 'cat garden', to give a little joy to their brother and sister cats, and to thank all of them for making us so happy. There are wind chimes in the trees and wildflowers all around (where they will grow) and a swing. It's very peaceful and pretty and a wonderful place to go to just "be". I know my babies are at peace, I know that because of their kindness and selflessness at passing on to Rainbow Bridge they have given the greatest gift - a chance for another to have a warm bed, good food and love instead of cold rain, garbage, and children with stones.

 

You know what? I know I haven't been here long but you all have singlehandedly supported me through this grief. I mean it. From the very beginning when Rowdy was first sick, you gave me strength. And now, understanding my situation and sharing yours. It's just wonderful the love that you have for your own animals and for others like you. It makes me feel so good inside that there are people like you in the world. Until I came here, I thought I was just an oddity. I just can't thank you enough. Could never ever thank you enough.

lynnhaz, it was actually your picture of otis in the urn and how you had it set up that even made me consider cremation. Really! I had never ever considered it before. I just figured I would bury him but something about you having your otis around with his little picture there, it just made me want to do the same thing. See what I mean about you guys singlehandedly helping me through this thing?

vene, You don't know how much I needed to hear that. I was telling my mom what you said about your culture and how some people keep their loved ones for 49 days. My mom is getting over it now, I even told her what the funeral guy said about there being nothing whatsoever weird about it. I don't feel crazy anymore. Thank you.

Mary, that was a wonderful thing you did for your babies. Such a sad story.

Eternal Flame, ahhh girl, your story about Megen gave me chills. I felt like I lived it through your words. The part about just wanting to think that she was just asleep, God, I'm welling up just thinking about it. I can imagine the awful pain and shock you must've felt. :cry: Thanks for sharing it with me. For sharing a piece of your life. I'll never forget it. Me submit my writing? Wow, thanks. Normally, my family all says I'm overdramatic. I can't help it, I say. It's in my heart and it just comes out that way. I don't mean for it to.

Bente, I sort of always felt the same that you did when you were 6. That if I buried my animal, at least I would know that they were there if I ever wanted to see them again. Nah, I wouldn't dig them up. But just to know that if I wanted to I could, helped. I bet alfa was a cutie.

fridaylove, so sad about Jezzabelle. Great name that was. I'm glad you found a caring wonderful vet. I've yet to find one that I love or trust so that means alot when you have someone like that.

Awwee Nern, So sad. I had a bunny too when I was about 16. His name was Fluffy and he would eat at the kitchen table. I remember he loved spaghetti! My dad and mom were going through a divorce and when we left my dads to live with my mom, well.... my dad, my father, the person that I thought I could trust more than any other, in anger, let my Fluffy out of his cage and he was eaten by wild animals. I only found a piece of his fur left when I came back home to visit. I had pushed that memory out of my mind until this very moment. :cry:

rcrgal31, Thank you so much for your words. I bet that marble box is beautiful! I still haven't gotten Rowdy's urn yet. I keep meaning to, but when I think of it... it brings back all the sad feelings. I'm going to though one day soon.

kathy, I'm so sorry about your mom dying. ((((Hug))) So sad. Yes, I can see how that would be hard being so far away. You'll make it happen when you're ready. You're still in grief right now.

karen_80, Thanks so much for your kind words. I bet your yard is absolutely beautiful. Makes me smile just thinking about it.

I'm getting a little stronger day by day. I don't know how it is for the rest of you but for me, I find myself going along ok and then something will bring it all back and it's as if it's happening all over again. Like picturing Rowdy on his last day. Wobbling. Snuggling up to my face. Kissing me. He just stared at me like he was looking through my soul. I could actually feel his love for me. I saw myself through his eyes. That cat adored me and sometimes the pain of him not being here and how not fair it is that he had to go, just overwhelms me.

Thanks again for sharing your stories. They were very very sad but gave me hope that I'm going to make it through this thing.

Here's a big shout out to my Rowdy. I miss him especially bad tonight. Rowdy if you're listening, I love you baby. I miss you terribly.

 

hi RoWdy...

otis did that too. when i read about a cat wobbling..i usually dont say anything...who wants to tell someone what that might mean?? but i always get a sick feeling. otis wobbled all day, and i had never seen it before.

thank you RoWdy for your kind words about otis's urn and pic. i also have his pic on my bedstand, and a pretty cross next to it. one of those mexican crosses that are wooden with metal hammered into them.

and i think of him all the time. of course he is on the background of my computer...ever present in my life...his spirit. and i cry in an instant when i think of him.

i really think writing about our experiences and our love helps us to grieve and its feels good to know we are not alone. :wink:

 

Rowdy, I agree with EF. You are a terrific writer. Have you ever considered going into it? Reader's digest, book about life with Rowdy or even on daily life and work. I love your prose style! I'd be the first to buy your book and when you become rich and famous, don't forget about us on Auspet. LOL's!

 

Don't feel stupid I did the same thing

Few years ago I lost my cat Tango to the neigbors Great Dane. Yes a Dane I know these dogs are extremly friendly but this dog always made me nervouse barking and growling when I would be riding by their place. Tango actually wondered farther then her normal domain of our back yard. I cat who was afraid to place one paw in the horse pasture traveled all the way over to the neighbors yard. I was at school and when I got home our neighbors kids came over and just said they were so sorry but Barely their Dane killed Tango. I just did'nt beleive it at first and just said no no Tango never leaves the yard never ever! But they said she was in a cardboard box that they sat by the back porch and just siad they were sorry and left.

I went out opened the box and sure enough lay my poor Tango bloodied around the neck which was obviousely broken and a broken twisted leg. She was a beautiful gray, brown, black tabby Noregian Forest Cat we actually received as a kitten with two brothers she was the only one we could not rehome because of her shy nature. Her big green eyes were so deep in thought it seemed and she became my best friend she spent all her time with me rather then the other animals and people and like I said when I wasent home she spent all of her time suning her self on the back porch or in the back yard alone. It was so hard to see my once so lively and wonderful cat laying dead in that old car board box only 3 years old :cry: . I could'nt bury her i just could'nt I wasent willing to put her in the ground. She did'nt deserve that at all. So I called up my brothers bestfriend Kyle (a fellwo animals lover and also bestfriend of mine) and asked him what i should do and by this time i was crying horridly. He just told me not worry about it he knew just what to do. He spent an hour holding me and crying with me until he asked if I would like Tango to be cremated. And I said yes and so he got start up and took the box and did'nt return until the next day from the cremation place with a beautiful Heart Shaped Yern with the named Tango ingraved on it. I cried for a week after Tangos death and im crying right now remembering it all. Tango's yearn sits on the top ong my dresser in the highest place with a framed photo of her laying lazily in my lap looking straight up at that camera with those big deep green eyes . I love and miss her everyday.

But helping new strays that coem around helps me because i know she would be proud. Right now im going through some bad stuff stress with the horses and Pantera's illness. Im so stressed and it just helps to looks up at Tango's yearn every once in awhile and just go geeze Tango what have I gotten myself into.

 

haha ignore all the yearns and put urns lol

 

All these stories are so sad! A few years ago, I lost my job and had no money, then my dog got really sick (I'll give the brief version). I didn't know what to do she was my best friend, she had always been with me. I was so confused and kept hoping she will get better, she couldn't walk anymore then I would carry her to the vet and he would give her a shot and she would feel better til we got home then I would have to carry her up the stairs and this happened a few times. She was having blood and lots of weird stuff come out of her, but the vet wouldn't do to much, because he knew I didn't have any money (a much longer story). So I took her in on a Saturday and she started having seizures while there, so she stayed overnight they were closed on SUn, but I still called to check on her and they said she wasn't doing good. And I still kept thinking she will get better, she has to I can't live without her, without her I have nothing, she is the reason why I lived (I had a serious depression for several years and she really was the only reason why I never killed myself and the only reason, not to sound too crazy, I was never institutionalized, because I was convinced no one other than me could take care of her) so she was the only thing in my life worth living for. I couldn't comprehend her not getting better she had to. So Monday morning I went in to see her, they put me in a private room while she laid on one of the vet tables I just held her and cried, the first time she started having seizures I started screaming I was so worried she would fall off the table and I would kill her. The nurses ran in and calmed me down. I stayed there for about 8 hours. I came back Tuesday and the same thing. Wednesday as I was getting up to go, I recieved the call from the vet saying she had passed in the night. I was so upset, I couldn't function at all, but the vet told me I still needed to come in and finish up the paperwork and decide what I wanted done with the body, he said he could "dispose" of it (which he can't say what the county does with them, no one is supposed to know, but I have heard it is illegal to just thrown dead animals away, but I have also heard of people seeing dead animals in dumpsters behind vet offices) or have her cremated. I couldn't imagine her not being with me so I wanted her stuffed, but he told me that is illegal in VA. I think by this time I was extremely irrational and I couldn't think straight, because I knew I didn't have the money to pay for cremation or the urn and might not have money for the vet bills, but all I could think is if she is "disposed" of here she will be out back in a trash bag and I couldn'T stand the thought of her being inside a trash bag but I was also very leery of cremation bc I have heard you don't necessarily get what you brought in (ie I end up with someone else pet or grandma) and I didn'T want anyone except Sentry. I was really stuck on having her stuffed, because that way I knew she would always be with me. I tried to call as many Taxidermy places as I could find and no one would do it. I ended up getting her cremated, but this makes me a much worse pet owner than anyone, I couldn't afford to pay for her remains (I din't have a job for nearly 6 months after that and I was only making $6.50 an hour and I had been kicked out of my apartment) for maybe a year and at that time I was so embarassed I didn't know do I go to the crematorium or to the vet and I thought they would say yea sure here is your dog and just pour some randomn ashes in an urn. In January (when I move back coincidentally) it will be 3 years, what should I do?
I am sorry I am a bad person, but I really loved my dog.