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Haven't been here in awhile but need advice.

Discussion in 'Cats - all breeds / types' started by elizavixen, Feb 11, 2007.

  1. elizavixen

    elizavixen New Member

    I need advice on what I should do about my grandmother's cat. Basically he was my cat, I still consider him to be my cat. I gave him to her when her old cat died b/c I thought she needed a companion. That was about 7 years go. Of course I visit regularly and see the cat all the time so he still remembers me and likes me. This past year, my grandmother has developed Alzheimer's and she's getting worse very fast. Anyways, I could go on and on about it. The bottomline is, she can't take care of the cat anymore, in my opinion. He is grossly obese - 24 lbs. I took him to the vet last week for his annual visit, he was covered in fleas, has worms, has had numerous kidney problems that led to several surgeries but my grandmother still refuses to give him the special kidney food. She didn't want me to take him for his visit but I insisted. She could care less about what happened, only that it cost too much. I have been trying over and over to get her to feed him less but she refuses - she gives him milk everyday and feeds him people food like macaroni and cheese. Tonight we had a big argument b/c she told me to give him a cheeseburger that she didn't want, I said no, he can't have people food and he had already eaten his dinner tonight and still had dry food in his bowl. Well she stormed up and started giving it to him and I tried to take the plate away from her and she tried to hit me. I'm so frustrated right now. I want to take that cat away now. The only reason I haven't yet is b/c my mom is going to get mad b/c it is going to get my grandmother really upset - but she's always mad about something. Like really angry all the time. This week alone she has called the police three times to try to have my mom arrested b/c my mom took her car keys. That is another thing. When I take the cat, she is going to go crazy about it and probably call the police on me.

    I just can't stand thinking about what she's doing to him. And I feel like I'm just letting it happen. He's only 9 yrs old and is a great cat. But he has so many health problems already, and is only going to get more. You can tell he doesn't feel good all the time b/c sometimes you go there and he just lays there.

    My grandmother needs to be in a nursing home now but my mom just keeps chickening out. I feel like she's just delaying the inevitable. And meanwhile, the cat is the one suffering. At least he's the only innocent party suffering.

    Does anyone have any advice? I want to go there tomorrow and take the cat. I didn't take him tonight b/c I didn't have a carrier with me. It just makes me sick knowing all the uproar that is going to ensue. I wish there was another option but you can't make any sort of comprimise with my grandmother b/c she's so out of it that she either forgets or intentionally does the opposite of what you say just to spite you.

    I'm also afraid that she may get so out of it one day and kill the cat, either intentionally or unintentionally. This week she has been telling everyone that she is going to kill herself by taking all her pills.
  2. halaroo

    halaroo New Member

    Wow. Definitely take the cat tomorrow and then do whatever you can to convince you mom that your grandmother needs to be in a home. Can you make all the arrangements (ie. find an appropriate home, get paperwork done, etc.) and then give everything to your mom to finalize? Or can you get a doctor to convince your mom that something needs to be done for your grandmother asap before she hurts herself? If she's threatening suicide, I think that alone warrants a trip to doctor's office.

    I can totally sympathize - my grandma has Alzheimer's. It's not fun.

    Good luck with the cat and your grandma.
  3. Mary_NH

    Mary_NH New Member

    take the cat - the one up side to ahlzeimers is she'll soon forget she has a cat.
    Seriously....not trying to be funny at all. My grandmother had ahlzeimers and once it set in she was a danger to herself. She nearly burned herself out of house, she was discovered walking to the store late one night in just her nightgown - luckily someone who knew her saw her and took her to my aunt's house.
    It's going to be hard enough for your mother to deal w/your grandmother w/out having to worry about the cat - someone needs to worry about the cat and at least he has you.
    Take him
  4. Chezza

    Chezza New Member

    Hi elizavixen.Im so very sorry to hear this about whats happening, you have a hard time on both sides..Well the best thing to do is take the cat, if she will not do the right thing by the cat, then by all means take him..The cat needs vet treament if she has those things wrong with him, especially a new diet if he is to live for much longer..She is Killing him even though she doesnt realise it..

    You are going to have to be really "STRONG", its alot on your shoulders to cope with, alot. I feel for you so much, and Im sure everyone else does too.
    Try and talk with your mum, tell her it cant go on much longer and you feel you really need to act on how you feel, that is taking the cat away from her. Its so dangerous for your Gran to have suicidle thoughts, they and her really need addressing, if she becomes a danger to herself, she is going to be needed to be monitered by someone..

    Please please let us know how you get on..Im sure all of us are thinking of you and hoping it will work out for the best for everyone..
    Good luck..
  5. punkazzneon

    punkazzneon New Member

    I understand that this could be a difficult situation, as she is family. I would agree though that the best thing for the cat would be to take it from her. If her main concern over the cat is money, rather than his health, I think that that alone is a sign that she is not capable of taking on a pet. A pets require the proper shots, food, care, etc. If she cannot afford to take care of him, then she does not need to have him.

    If she's willing to attempt hurting you over the cat, then I wouldn't bother to try to talk her into it. If she honestly realized that the cat is not healthy, she would have been willing to work with you towards taking him to the vet previously. I would just go in and take him, don't stop, just take him and walk away.

    Animals are taken from homes everyday for mistreatment.

    As for your grandmother going into a retirement home, I understand. My fiance's grandmother isn't in the best of shape. She doesn't have Alzheimer's, but she is for the most part bed-ridden. His mother has been trying to convince her to move in with her so that she could be properly taken care of. His aunt is a drug addict and leeches off his grandmother often, but she refuses to move. Even if it means she has to call us to bring her food on a regular basis :(
  6. elizavixen

    elizavixen New Member

    Thanks for the replies. I'm still all worked up about it. I'm going to be talking to my mother this afternoon.

    I've been trying to put taking the cat off until my mother puts her in a home. Friday she was ready to sign her up but then she backed out again. I'm just so frustrated with it. My mom has now got some aides set up to come monday and stay with my grandmother during the day and there is a woman living there at night. My mom thinks that is going to work. I don't think it is. But, I didn't mean to throw my mom under the bus or anything. She is trying to get her help. My grandmother is extraordinarily difficult so everything is tricky. We are talking with a doctor - she's supposed to go back Monday - and I think we are going to have to try to get her declared incompetent in order to force her into a nursing home. She certainly won't go willingly. It's just really hard on my mom b/c my grandmother has always been so controlling of her (she's an only child).

    I wish she was in the completely forgetful stage b/c I think then she would calm down. Now, she forgets a lot, but also remembers what she wants to. She obsesses about things and thinks we're all trying to kill her and take everything she has. She's so angry she's making herself sick. Angry to the point of being violent. She's hit my mother two times now, and tried to hit me last night. I grabbed her hands before she could. And she's been abusive with other people. The meals on wheels group refuses to deliver food to her anymore b/c she was abusive to the volunteers. That is why I'm sure these aides coming Monday aren't going to work. She needs a group of people who are professional in this, and have easy access to restraints and sedatives.

    I'm just rambling now. But thanks again for the replies. I know what I'm doing (going to do) is right I just sort of needed to vent. My mom's not as much of an animal person as I am so she doesn't get as torn up about the cat as I do - she just doesn't get it. And obviously she has bigger things to worry about.
  7. vene

    vene New Member

    I'm so sorry you are dealing with such a difficult situation. Defintely take the cat right away for his safety. Your mom doesn't sound like she's ready to let grandma go. Make a deal with your mom. If it doesn't go well with the aides then she'll have to be admitted to a nursing home right away. *Hugs* Thinking of you and your family.
  8. sunset05

    sunset05 New Member

    I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. Families are complicated and I only hope the best for all of you. The only advice I can think of is to follow your heart and your concience. Take care. Let us know how things go.
  9. Bente

    Bente New Member

    I don't have any advice to offer, other then what's already been said. But I wish you all the best of luck, this must be an incredible difficult situation *hugs*

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