I'm stressed, too!

I'm joining Honeybear's Stress Club. My Grandma has been in a nursing home for a while now. It's always one thing after another with that. My Grandpa sits with her all day, every day. I go to see them when I can manage it - usually when my mom is going, too, so I can see her at the same time. My grandparents live in Tennessee, I'm in Kansas, my parents are in Wisconsin, and my sister is in Ohio. Ugh.

So, on Sunday my grandpa suddenly got sick while at the nursing home. They had to call an ambulance and take him to the hospital. He's got some sort of blockage in his gall bladder. They are waiting for him to stabilize so they can do a scope thing and unblock it. Then when he is further stablized, they will do surgery to remove the gall bladder.

Now Grandma has no one with her all day and she is worried about Grandpa. Grandpa is in the hospital worrying about Grandma. And he is not well enough to talk on the phone, so I can't call and talk to him.

I am so stressed! I didn't call on Saturday so I haven't talked to him since the last time I was there a few weeks ago. I feel so guilty! I can still see him as I left, standing at the door of the nursing home looking so sad!!

Grandma's big problems started a few years ago when she had a surgery done. They think she had a small stroke while under the anesthesia. I think the hardest thing with Grandma has been the change in her mental functions. She is slowly getting better, but she has never been totally "Grandma" since that surgery.

Now they want to do surgery on Grandpa!! And he also has heart problems. I'm so scared! :cry:

 

Jamiya: I'm sorry. That's really rough. Especially when everyone is so spread out.

Has anyone tried to convince your Grandparents into moving closer to you or your Mom? It would sure make it easier to visit and make sure they're getting all the right care. A lot of times that's easier said than done with older people when they're set in their ways.

 

Oh Jimiya, that is so hard, your poor grandparants. my thoughts and prayers to gramps recovery and back to grandma that is hard because they are so far away. I think we need worry beads! thats my other thing because my dad has been very ill recently, had a an emergency quad bypass in December, and has been sick on and off since.

think happy thoughts

honeybear

 

Sorry to hear about your grandparents. I hope they get well soon and that everything works out for you and your family.

 

i'm sorry to hear about your grandparents it is hard when they get older and sick and to be so far away is rough. As i said before my mom has been really sick so i moved her in with me :shock: it's very hard and we had to make lots of adjustments but it will work out. I have lived by myself well me and my kids for 18 years and to have some one move in is very tough


you and your family will be in my thoughts

 

Jamiya
IM so sorry I hope the best for your family. Seeing a loved one seriously ill is such a hard thing to deal with. My dad is still very sick partially paralyzed and cannot speak and it is really taking a toll on my mom. They have been married for over 40 years now and she always depended on him so much. My mom seems so lost it just breaks my heart I hate that I am so far away I worry everyday.
God Bless you and your family you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Oh Jami!! BIG Huggs!!!

I'm sorry I know its hard. Perhaps your siblings can convince them to move closer to them or you?? I know its a difficult situation and when family members get ill it seems like the siblings are all too busy to help and one always gets left alone to do everything.

I know thats how it is in my family....unfortunately.

Big hugs and kisses and Lots of prayers for you and your family. If there is ever anything I can do just hollar!!!

 

Grandma and Grandpa have been married for well over 60 years. I don't think either one can live without the other.

My grandparents lived in Florida until a couple years ago when Grandma started to get bad. They didn't want to move, but were finally convinced to move to Chattanooga where their son (my uncle) lived with his wife and one of their children and her family. They got a trailer two doors down from my aunt and uncle's trailer. My uncle had been sick for years with colon cancer, but was holding his own. About a year after Grandma and Grandpa moved, the cancer came back and he died. Now my aunt takes care of Grandma and Grandpa as best she can (they are her in-laws, not her parents) and my cousin also helps. But they call Mom for every emergency and to vent (Grandma and Grandpa can be quite vexing, lately).

My dad is trying to retire in about 2 years. At that time, they are going to move somewhere (looking at NC and TN mostly) and then move Grandpa in with them and find a nearby nursing home for Grandma. Or something like that, depending on the circumstances.

Mom is seriously considering moving them NOW to Wisconsin and then moving them again when Dad retires. Grandpa doesn't want to move that many times but they may have to. But they're much like little kids - change is very hard for them.

I worry about my mother. She is so stressed out. She is tired of getting emergency calls at work, where she is busy and stressed out and hates her job.

I offered to move Grandma and Grandpa in with us when they were leaving Florida, but no one would let me take on that responsibility. I think Mom felt like it was HER duty and not mine. I personally think it would make more sense for me to do it, since I am already dealing with kids rather than looking forward to enjoying peaceful retirement years. Heck, might as well do it all at once and relax later, right?! At the time I was working from home, and our house would be fairly easy to make handicapped-friendly.

Of course, now we have Nala and Bonnie and I work, so everything gets more complicated.

I guess Grandpa's bloodwork is looking better so they are not going to do the scope thing. They are just going to do the surgery in a couple of days. He is so doped up on demerol he is not really coherent, so I still can't talk to him.

 

Grandpa is having his surgery this afternoon. I talked to him just now and he sounded okay. My aunt says he goes in and out, though, and he's not on the demerol anymore. She thinks he is going to start being more confused, like Grandma is. :cry:

My mom is flying out there today. I talked to her last night and she said she was going on Saturday, so I don't know what happened between now and then and why she didn't call me. I e-mailed Dad to ask him.

We were thinking of going camping this weekend. Or I could fly or drive to TN. I don't know what to do.

Someone stop me from eating all the candy in the vending machine...

 

Jamiya: Prayers and positive good thoughts to your Grandpa on his surgury. Also to you Grandma. After 60 yrs. years together, they've become "one" person. God Bless Them!!!

 

wishing your gramps a speedy and healthy recovery

honeybear

 

The surgery went well. I guess the gall bladder was packed full of stones - ICK! He seems to be doing well, although he is still having episodes at night. They call it "sundowners" which is a common beginning to Alzheimers. Mom is with him now, and I decided to go ahead and fly out there. I am leaving straight from work this afternoon, and I have to run home now (lunchtime) to pack. I will be out of touch all weekend, so everyone have a good holiday!

 

glad to hear it went well have a safe trip and a great holiday.

my mom jokes that she has early stages of Alzheimers but i think she really does it's hard when they get old and to top it off she lives with me. But i'm glad she does for the fact if something happens i'm there but other then that it drives me nuts sometimes.

 

Jmaiya. Kisses and good luck sweetie!!! WE're all rootin for ya here. I've been begging the good lord to ease up a bit on everyone....don't know if its working yet or not!

 

Jamiya sorry to hear about your granparents but am glad to hear the surgery went well. I dont know what the best option is but I hope you guys figure something out that would help the situation.

Sams please keep begging cause its coming down hard here too. My grandfather was rushed to the ER the other week and had pnemonia. My husbands grandfather is fighting colon cancer and was admitted to the hospital this week and now they are looking at his 4th surgery in a month and taking out his kidney which has stopped working. We just dont know from one day to the other and my husband is very close to his grandfather. He is more of a father to him.

Anyway I hope everyone well and that this eases up at least through the holidays.

 

Jamiya,
Lots of hugs, kisses, and prayers sent your way. We're all here for you!

 

Hi Jamiya,

I'm sorry you're going through such a ruff time right now I know how hard it is when our family members get sick, and we are too far away too help much. But I will be praying for you and your family.

You hang in there! God has a way of working things out. I beleive that

Praying for you and yours, Susan

 

Jamiya, I am glad your Granpa is doing better. I grew up without Grandparents and it is something I wish I had. My Mom was diagnosed with cancer three years ago this month. She fought hard and I took care of her but she died May 29th 2002. I was three months pregnant with my son at the time. It was stressful and hard but I'm glad I was there for her. I will never get over her and I miss her very much. She was my best friend and a very good Grandma to my kids. Thank goodness I live close because now my Dad is having some problems. I know it has to be difficult with your Grandparents living so far away. I hope everything works out and my Prayers are with you also.

 

Grandpa's surgery went well and he was released from the hospital on Sunday. He is doing well. He has not had ANY pain medication after the surgery - I think that's amazing! His back has been hurting a lot less, so we are thinking that some of his back pain the past year was actually due to the gall bladder.

He also stopped having the night episodes. He can now remember what went on (mostly) and can distinguish between what was real and what was a dream (or hallucination). I feel so bad for him - he thought they were trying to kill him and was trying to escape to save his life. How scary for him to go through that! He also had a dream about a "ritual" that sounds a lot like a funeral. My grandmother walked in and he saw her and told them, "I'm not afraid to die, but I'm not going without her. If she's going too, I'll go. But I won't leave her." It brought tears to my eyes.

He also started crying at home the night he was released. One of the relatives called and when he got off the phone he was talking about not being able to be there when her mother died. It's so hard to get old and watch all your family and friends dying.

They think the dementia was caused mostly by the demerol and the anti-nausea medication they gave him the first few days in the hospital. The nurse we talked to when he was released said the combination does cause a lot of elderly people to have hallucinations. There is a different anti-nausea drug that they do better on - WHAT THE HECK?! Why wouldn't they ALWAYS use the better drug with elderly patients?? Sheesh.

 

Jamiya: I'm so glad you Grandpa came through his surgery fine. Hopefully he can live pain-free.

It is so sad when our Parents and Grandparents start getting older and their health starts to fail. It's hard to think that they won't be with us forever.

Your Grandpa is probably more worried about your Grandma's well being more so than himself.