Ok, I need a mothers advice!!!

Ok, ok, ok. SO this ain't dog related, but I need soem serious advice and thats what the forum is fo right??/ Well to make it fair. I'll ad a dog relation...Amanda has a dog!!!

Ok So here's the BIG problem.

My little sister, Gorgeous, sleek. long skinny thing (had the oppertunity to model but turned it down, dumb brat!) Anyhow. She's got this HUGE crush on this guy I graduated with and he's got his eyes set on her.

He's really bad news. His name is Jordan. He's been to jail, countless times, while in school, he went to the juvie bootcamp twice. Was always suspended, went to drug rehab, the whole 9 yards...

He asked me two weeks ago, "Hey, where can I get some good weed". I was like, You dumb a$$!!! You don't just bust out with that to someone!! Besides, how would I know!!!!

Anyhow. Last year, he got a young girl pregnant. She was only 14 he was 20. He made her abort the baby, and then dumped her. He does this. He likes them young and treats them sweet, tells them what they want to hear..yada yada yada....Then BOOM. He slaps them around, treats them horrible, uses them, and dumps em. I've fist fought with him one time. I beat him to a pulp. He was hitting this girl who wanted to break up with him. I saw, and intervened (sp??) He's scared crapless of me. He knows I'll do it again.


SO what in the heck do I do!!! I've warned Amanda about him. I've warned my mother, and I sent out a goooooood freind of mine to warn him away. I'm going to find him tonight and let him know, she's off limits.
But I really don't want to hurt my little sister. I know I'll go to jail for her. I'd die for her. SHe knows it.

But moms out there, and DADS!!! What do I do!!!! Apparently, my Bulldogge (he he eh) didn't work. He called her this morning wanting to come over to my moms and see her. Mom and her husband are going to my stepsisters house. Soooo I'll be going over there! But what should I do?

 

ohhh thats a tuffy, I dont have kids, except furry ones, wish I could help. she has a crush on him? is it because he is a bad boy, somtimes the moer you say no they more they will defy, hope you get some help here

honeybear

 

Oh gosh Sam my oldest is only 10 but I can tell you Honeybears is right with kids the bigger stink you make out of something the more appealing it is. I am 15 years older then my little sister and I have watched in agony as she has made countless bad choices. But now she has pretty much grown up and turned things around. Kids have to make their own mistakes and hopefully learn from them. All you can do is continue to set a good example for her and just remind her how much you love her and hope and pray she makes the right choices.

 

That's a tough one, Sams! My kids are too young - we haven't had these issues yet. I know honeybears is right - sometimes forbidden fruit is the most interesting.

If she already knows about the drugs and the crime and the pregnancies, I don't think you will be able to convince her to not see him. Unless maybe one of the girls he has trashed and dumped can talk to her? Maybe the only thing you can do is try to be there to prevent things from getting out of control.

So your sister lives at home still? Is she still in high school?

Your parents should make sure the rules are tough and enforced - curfews, always knowing where she is going, making her call to check in, always being awake (and alert) when she comes home to make sure she's not drunk or on drugs, etc.

Has she been taught well about drugs and sex? Do you think she's at risk for using drugs?

Make sure she knows about not getting in a car with him if he's been drinking or using drugs. The other big risk is pregnancy of course. Better for her to be on birth control than to risk it because no one will help her to get some. Make sure she knows about condoms and preventing disease, etc.

Maybe if she has too many rules around her, he will decide she's not worth the trouble.

Or how about finding him some other girl he can pick on?

What a tough situation!!


Jamiya

 

She Just turned 17, She's got a curfew of 11pm on week nights. But she works at a restaurant as a hostess so sometimes she doesn't get off until 10pm..thats why its 11.

I know she's on BC because I took her to get it. She was embarassed to ask my mom. SO I did. Of course I told my mom and told her to be quiet about it! Which she has. Amanda trusts me. And I think yall are right. I think the more stink on it the more she'll want to do it just to test it.

I think I'm going to find a nice guy and introduce them tonight. I've got a good prospect picked out. He's a very nice young man.

Oh god!!! I sound like an old lady! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

And I'd never introduce him to another girl. Thats just murder.
He's in to all this Satan worship and sacrificings and crap. He's just really bad news!

I know I should let her learn herself. But guys. I've been there. I've made all the wrong choices, and I paid for it. PHysically and mentally. Granvel is the only man thats every treated me with respect and stuff. I don't want that to happen to her. I'd have to kill who ever hurt her.
I'm serious! She's tooo beautiful, smart, funny.....I just can't imagine something happening.

 

You didn't mention the Satanic worship part before. Can't you get this creep arrested?! I don't want to know what he sacrifices. Maybe you can tell your sister he sacrifices dogs and she will be so appalled she will tell him off....


Jamiya

 

I've been told by him and his nasty friends, that they've sacrificed cats, dogs, and goats..... I'm just waiting for a virgin! He's been arrested for drugs, drug parafinilia, domestic violence, animal abuse, and truency. I don't know. my mother and I think its a good idea to just be quiet around her about him, and introduce her to a new guy....subtly, and just keep reminding the creep that he's not welcome, and she's not on the market. Perhaps then he'll get the message.

Jamiya, I have to say, I don't think I could ever have kids....

 

I am the mother of a 23 year old boy (well, man - whatever, he is still my baby even though he is petrified when I call him such - He-he!!!)

Ther's one thing you can be sure of: if your baby sister is already falling for this slime, not even the choir at Saint Paul's Cathedral in the Vatican can convince her to look somewhere else.

What you need to do is be smarter than he is. Find a way to set him up and make your sister get disgusted with him on her own. Nothing else would work, believe me!!! (Been there, done that!) How you do that I couldn't tell, it depends on the circumstances, etc...

Good luck though. If he is the way I imagine he is, it won't be easy. This kind of f@#$#% expect and are ready for anything....

 

Hey Sams,
I am 15 I will be 16 next month (Wahoo anyway) Sometimes the "bad boys" look is more appealing than someone who I s a good person. Its just a thing a lot of girls have. Just watch out for make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid to her she will get it out of her system the 'Bad guy" thing will go way...luckily for me I had it this year and well it faded fast and also if you keep telling her NO NO NO she will want him more proven fact so just its back and let things happen BUT keep a watchful eye Sorry I know I’m 15 but I thought I would add my point of view...

Good luck

 

Sams, I have 5 children all over 21, and thank God i've been through alot but not satan worship. But, my sister has and she put her foot down to her daughter and to the boy. They drank blood. talk about a sick bunch. it;s scarey and i feel for you. They are right though the more you push the more they will want each other. I will pray for you all. hopefull she will see the light. Our one daughter did marry a guy just cause we didnt want her to , lazy bum wouldnt work wouldnt clean house while she worked. finally my oldest told me mom the mopre yopu say the longer she will stay . I shut up and she divorced him and now is married to a good man that loves her.

 

Very touchy subject. She will want to see him even more if told she can't. Thats exactly what my sons friends went thru. They were sneaking out at night borrowing the family car. Maybe allow it but tell her that because she's under 18 that it needs to be under your rules. Like not going out alone with him. She can se him at the parents house. I just hope to god she's got some morels instilled in her when she was growing up. I'm sure your parents did all they could. But right now he is the forbidden fruit. Your sister needs to realize she is better than all that. I wish I had some better advise. My son is just about 15 and one about 17.

 

I went through similar "growing pains" with my daughter at that age. I'm just guessing your sister is under age 18 and he's over, and that she still lives at home with Mom. If that's the case, Mom has control and makes the rules.

First of all Mom should forbid Jordan from coming to the house. She can go down to the court house and put a restraining order on him which keeps him from getting within so many yards from the house and the people living in it and making contact with them via phone or through a third party.

If she's underage and he's over 18, you might put it in his ear if "Jail Bait" means anything to him.

If you know anyone in the law enforcement, you might mention his intent to buy an illegal substance and that he solicited you with the intent that you would get it for him. I'm sure if he's been in that much trouble, he's already on probabtion. Weed is a big NO NO!

Then if all else fails, there's "tough love." It's more or less a bluff. Your Mom needs to tell your sister if she can't abide by house rules, all car, phone, room and board, expense privileges will be taken away. No more free meals, hot showers, car insurance, extra spending cash when her pay check is gone. And if your sister feels she's adult enough to make it on her own, your Mom can tell her that she can have her emancipated and make her a ward of the State. Of course a Mother threatens with these things in hopes that a child will come to their senses.

If she's over 18 there's not a whole lot a person can do since they're legally an adult. Just be there for them to lend a shoulder when they crash and burn.

And another thing, your Mom can always put the "Mother Hex" on her. The one where she tells your sister, "I hope someday you will have a daughter just like you." That's been passed down in my family for generations.

My daughter's now 30 and she tells me all the time what a jerk she was as a teenager and that she was glad I was a hardass with her. She also has a 10 yr old daughter and she knows her time is coming just around the corner.

 

Sams I know this is a tuff one. Thank god my kids are still toddlers but its a tough situation. If you push her she will go right to him. If you dont she may get hurt mentally and physically. I would go with what the others said and make sure she knows the rules and keep a very watchfull eye on the two of them. Does he still live at home? I can just hope and pray for the best outcome possible. hey if you want I was a teenage mother I could write her a nice long email about how sex is not worth what she will have to go through. Dont get me wrong I love my children but wish I would have waited. Life would have been alot easier but those are the consequenses one faces! Anyway good luck and I know you will do what is best.

 

Growing up where I have, my friend sand I have been forced to deal with many situations like that. sooner than we would have prefered. You said he went to drug rehab at an early age. for that reason alone I wouldn't let him anywhere near your sister. when you think your with someone, and have this deep connection blah blah it makes it all the easier to say sure. why not. when offered something to try. from there it can go downhill real fast. hes hit past girlfriends. to me n my friends, thats cause enough to take extreem action, in detering him.

Do you have a car? I would suggest...
abducting the guy(not really tho. but he wouldnt know whats gonna happen. so it would scare him 3 ways from sunday) rush him with a couple ppl. make sure you got masks. cover his face duck tape his legs n arms. throw him in the trunk. cruise for a cpl hrs goto mc donalds, waste time. then after a good ammount of time. let him out. make sure its in a wooded area. warn him( you will have his attention by then). have your friends do the talking so he assumes there are lots of ppl after him, and that hes getting into serious stuff. after making sure he understands. take is shoes...let him go n leave him there. let him find his way home n think things over.
I know it sounds harsh crazy or what ever. but i have seen my neighbourhood go from a prestine familly community(where i have spent my whole life). to a crime infested sespool. the cops do nothing, and it usually ends up being me and my friends protecting the local business. we have to deal with people like that all the time. the only thing that guy will have respect for is his life, and thats probably minimal. you have to make him scared. I've seen 2many people I grew up with waste away their lives
for drugs and false love.
I mean can kids so young honestly think their really in love?
I'm not sure that you can deter your sister by talking to her. it might just make her feel less n less understood n maybe resent you. thats how it went down with my friends in similar situations.

best of luck with your situation. I pray that it gets resolved to your liking.

 

My friends daughter same thing well it really was not that hard to take care of. You just have to know someone who is welling to make him understand it's time to move on in a nice way. Just a little whisper in his ear that he well lose some vital parts or as we did took the guy out and dropped him off in a real bad area for a boy to be 12:00 at night and let him know next time it well be worse. Be sure to smile the whole time you talk to him and don't respond back to him when he makes any comments just smile and had him a empty jar, if he ask why tell him you thought he might like to keep the lost parts for posterity.
No offence but there comes a time when it has to be handled by a guy.
2pyrs

 

Yeah, do you know any big scarey looking bikers. They are usually sweet as pie, but can scare the cr*p out of people. Have them have a little chat with him. About 10 or so of them, from a well known club in the area. Maybe known for being just as bad as they are good. Heh Heh Heh. I used to hang with some people like that. They were very nice to me.

 

I am a sister and a mother - one 26 yr. old son, one 15 yr. old son.

What would I do? I'd call the cops and tell them EVERYTHING I knew that's what I would do.

And yes I've done it....last year my niece was hanging out with a piece of scum and I called the cops and told them the kid was 17, my niece 21 and she had beer in her car, turns out the police had a warrant out on the 17 yr. old and they were so glad I called. They pulled my niece over and handcuffed the turd that was with her - she dumped him.

Get drastic if that's what it takes to protect your sister.

 

MaryN_H: That's what I'm talking about!!!! Get down and dirty and do what you have to do to protect our kids. They'll thank us for it someday!!

 

yup pits...they tend to forget we've probably "been there done that" kids today didn't invent it although they think they did - as i tell my sons you might be able to pull the wool over my eyes for a little while but I wasn't an angel either

if push comes to shove and you have to protect a loved one - push back. I've pushed a few times to protect my sons and have never regretted any consequences thrown my way cause I did it out of love. I'm not tough arse by any means...but if my family needs me I'm there at any cost.

Your sister might be upset for awhile but she'll get over it - and until she does you can feel good that you possibly saved her from a lot of pain and anquish.

 

After reading everyone's responses no one will probely like mine but here it goes. My daughter is 17 when she was 14 just turning 15 she got a boyfriend who was 17 and a real jerk her and I were very close untill she met him and he filled her head with crap he even emailed me a bunch of bad stuff like saying i was a stupid bit** that didnt know how to raise my kids (cuz she was always grounded) I told his mom she didnt really care or do anything about it. well i told her that he was NEVER aloud in my house again and if she wants to continue to a jerk that is her mistake because I feel if I try to tell her NO it just causes more problems for her and I. Well of course they broke up (thank god) and now she tells me how right i was. Teenangers think we were born yesterday and we were never kids and nothing that happens to them could have happend to us and if it did it was so long ago it's different now. Then she turned 16 and was hinting around "what would i think" if she went out with a 21 year old. of course i told her i would kick her a** and put him in Jail but then I thought about it and that would just make her HATE ME she has been going out with this 21 year old for a year now (he was 20 she was 16 now he is 21 she is 17) he just turned 21 in may she will be 18 in Aug. He treats her good and always makes sure she is home on time but I can tell it's not going to last because she is very outgoing and wants to do stuff he is lazy and just wants to sit home and watch tv. I guess my point is I feel i have to let her make her own mistakes and just be there for her when it falls apart. And it will. I feel i have done a good job with my kids and can only hope now that they are older that they will make good decisons for themselves and if they dont i will be there for them to make sure they learned a lesson from it.


rene