okay guys, help me out here

I'm really having a problem letting Maia go. I haven't had a foster this easy since Bonnie, who of course we kept. I take the gates down as soon as I get home and everyone gets to roam free. Maia doesn't steal things, destroy things, pee on things, or bother the cats. Funny thing is, I haven't seen Nala do those things either, since we got Maia.

Bad part is, I think the reason Nala is behaving is because she is depressed. She doesn't know what to make of this dog whose goal in life is to fetch a ball and please her people. If Maia does something I don't want her to do, a firm no makes her stop. Nala's more like a selfish two-year-old.

Maia is not very interested in wrestling with Nala and she rarely will play chase with her. Bonnie still plays with Nala, but in the meantime Mommy is throwing the ball for Maia and Nala just doesn't get it. My husband played tug with Nala this morning, and Maia ended up standing there barking at them. Then she took Nala's ring and guarded it. I felt so bad - that is Nala's special toy. So I took it away from Maia, but Nala had already lost interest.

I had just about decided this morning that for Nala's sake, we need to let Maia go. But then I realized Nala hasn't chased a cat since we got Maia. Maybe she just hasn't had the opportunity. But that would be a big plus for my cats! Then again, if Nala isn't chasing because she is depressed, that's not good.

Maybe given time, everyone would adjust and find their places. Wouldn't they? And then I could foster again, once we had a routine with the three of them.

What do I do?!?!

 

I believe time is the key. When we brought Freckles home Duke's personality did change. He did seem to loose interest in playing and it did seem he was depressed. Like you we did not want to see Duke change his personality and after two weeks we did consider finding Freckles a new home.
We made a few inquiries but found no suitable new home and after a couple of months Freckles was part of the family and he and Duke were "brothers".
It was a bit aggravating to see Freckles apparently dominate Duke until we realized Duke was actaully allowing Freclkes to act this way. Anytime Freckles would annoy Duke to a point where Duke was really aggravated he would simple toss Freckles on his back as if to say, "You may think you're top dog but I'm the boss here."
Of course if you are just fostering Maia then perhaps you should relocate now instead of later but, in my opinion, if you keep her then I think Nala will adjust with time.
Of course your dogs are not Duke and Freckles but I think I know what your are experiencing. If we had found a good home for Freckles early on we would not have him now and that would have been our loss. In the time it took to look for a new home for him, everything changed and Duke adapted.

 

Maia will be top dog, not Nala. Nala is more submissive. I haven't seen Maia do it since the first day, but she immediately ran up to each dog and stood straight and stiff and thrust her head over their shoulders. Both my dogs averted their eyes and hunkered down a little. If Maia growls, the others back down. Maia is boss. I haven't seen her be mean with it, though.

I think you're right and Nala would start playing again. Which means all the trouble would start up again. So probably I shouldn't factor her current compliance into the equation.

 

she sounds like a great dog. I have a similar situaton with Wylie and I can never compromise her situation. She is a fetchaholic with a certain frisbee and we have had dogs over that try to take it away ffrom her or try to catch at the same time, that is a big no-no, I have had dogs over that also play fetch with a ball and have no interest in Wylie and her toy so that was good. and then one time I was plaching with the 2, and here comes Jake saying chase me becuase he is feeling ignored.
If you heart is with Maia, I do thnk Nala willcome around, ddint she do the same thing when you first got Bonnie? I think time will tell.

 

No, with Bonnie they just played and played and played some more. It was heaven for Nala. She got more exercise and we got a break!

One of the other foster moms said maybe I should just hold onto Maia for a couple weeks and not bring her to adoptions, and then make a decision after seeing how things go. It sounds like a good idea.....but if I am going to let her go, maybe it would be easier to just do it quickly!

I had a call on her yesterday, but they don't have a tall enough fence. Needing a 6-foot fence is the only thing that will slow down an adoption. Otherwise, she's quite a good and easy dog. I bet she'll go fast if I let her.

 

Let's go at this from the other direction. What do you think would be best for Maia? A family with less dogs? Younger kids? Or would she be just as happy staying with us? She has been sleeping with my son. When he goes away to college in 5 more years, what then?

 

How old is Maia? regarding the attacment between her and your son, is he the main caregiver for her? if he is gone and she is still an activr playful dog, will you have the eneergy for 3 dogs? just a tought

as for your other question of kids and dogs, she may be best as only dog bcause she wants to be top dog, sound like she would be great with kids

 

Maia is a year old. My son is not the primary caregiver - I am. I play ball with her, but so does my son and my husband as well.

She is a dominant dog, but not aggressive. Does that make sense? Nala can chase her ball with her and if she gets to it first, Maia will follow Nala around and wait for her to put it down. She respects the doggie rules of possession. But she's the boss. She just rules without being a bully.

When the people adopted her a couple weeks ago they couldn't keep her in their yard because she kept going over the fence to play with the neighbor's dog. So she loves other dogs - she is just more interested in fetching! And I have noticed that she won't stay out very long playing unless a human is out there too. She prefers to come inside and stare at you with a ball in her mouth, or lie down and chew on a bone.

I bet she would be an awesome agility dog, but that's my thing with Nala.

 

then it does sound like if you do adopt her out she needs other dogs, is she a fence jumper because she is outside when she wants to be in or wants attention from other dogs and people?

I would give her a few more week to see how things play out, it you hav enothing to lose

 

I'm not sure in what situations she was jumping fences. We wouldn't have adopted her out to someone who wanted to keep her outside, although people can always lie. I think it was when they would let her outside unattended (like to go potty) and she would jump the fence to visit the neighbor dog. Here she jumps our gate if she wants to come see me. That's disturbing because I don't want her giving Nala ideas. We will have to buy a taller ex-pen to use as a gate if Nala starts jumping it!

 

I think you should give it a few weeks if possible before making a final decision just so you don't have any regrets later on. As long as her assertiveness is not causing fights amoung the dogs I don't think this will be a problem at all. A few weeks will allow for more adjustment time as well as more time for you to really think about this. You can then you can re-access the situation. Good luck.

 

I let her go. Everyone (meaning the other foster moms) assures me that "the perfect dog" comes along over and over again when fostering. I can't keep them all. When Bonnie was "the perfect dog" she was good for Nala. Maia could have worked, but she did displace my dogs a little. She took attention and play time from Nala and some cuddle time from Bonnie. We could have worked it all out, but I'm not sure if I could have kept fostering. So I decided to let her go, but only to a family that had everything I wanted for her no matter how long that took. But any dog with "Golden Retriever mix" on their description gets a ton of calls. A guy called while I was at adoptions today and then came to the store. They have a 6-year-old daughter and a fenced yard with a 6-foot fence. The dad brought tennis balls to come meet Maia. He seemed really into playing with her. They looked at a bunch of other dogs at several shelters but they liked Maia the best. She's the only one the little girl was interested in, and Maia will sleep in her bed. They don't have other dogs, but they have a cat. I brought Maia to their house and the cat actually loves her. I was torn about the lack of a dog companion, but at our house she played with the dogs a lot less than she played with the people. Add in her slight guarding tendencies and dominance and perhaps a cat companion is better for her, as long as someone will throw a ball for her every day.

It was really, really hard. I have been eating food since I got back home. :cry: :cry:

 

Hi Jamiya, chin up

This is exactly why I couldn't foster, I'm just not strong enough to deal with the loss over and over again.

You've shown real strength and courage here. You take these dogs and give them the best time of their lives, for however long, then let them go to a new family who'll love them just as much as you have in the short time you've had them.

You show them that their world is a good place again.

I'm so happy Maia found a nice home... she had to make way for the next one

 

"I let her go. Everyone (meaning the other foster moms) assures me that "the perfect dog" comes along over and over again when fostering."

yep and then you would probably end up with a house full ,

you did the right thing and it sounds like you found a great home for Miaia. thats what fostering is all about finding wonderful forever homes for these dogs.

do you go ba k after a time to check on the dogs to see how they are doing or is that too hard?

 

A friend of mine who fosters now has eight dogs of her own. EIGHT. :shock: Most of them fosters she just couldn't part with. And she lives in a regular house, although it is fairly large.

I find that the day a foster goes to their new home, I am sooooo exhausted I can't do much for the rest of the day.

I do try to check up on my guys. The shelter where I got Nala checks on new owners after 3 days, 3 weeks, and 3 months, so I am using them as a model. I will call tomorrow to check on Maia, although the wait is killing me! I should check on Carter, too, because I think it has been about 3 weeks. I made a spreadsheet with the dogs and new owners - I should add dates.

I'm not sure what to do now. There is a lot of kennel cough at the shelters and I am worried about my dogs. Normally, I wouldn't worry, but we are going on vacation for about 10 days for Christmas and if my dogs get kennel cough I won't be able to board them! I can't take them with me, so I don't know what I would do. This vacation is very important to me and my family.

I am thinking of taking a foster from another foster home that needs a break. All of her dogs are healthy and he has been there at least a month, so it should be safe.

 

"I am thinking of taking a foster from another foster home that needs a break. All of her dogs are healthy and he has been there at least a month, so it should be safe."

that is a great idea!! the main reason I am holding back on fostering from the shelter is kennel cough since i dont vaccniate for it.

 

I don't vaccinate for it either and I have been fostering since August without any problems. Libby had a cold (but not kennel cough) and neither of my dogs nor Chomper (the other foster at the time) ever caught it even though I didn't quarantine her.

I turns out the other shelter we work with has a bunch of dogs on the euthanasia list for tomorrow. I am going to take a foster from one of the other guys (a different one than I was talking about before) so he can pull one of the ones on the list. I haven't even seen a photo of her. She's around 40 pounds, brindle, and too much of a mix to name a breed according to him. I guess I'll find out later this week!