I was sitting here thinking of my Rowdy again when I think I figured out how we can even deal with such grief sometimes. We compartmentalize it. We have all these locked up compartments of grief, tears, hurt. Mostly, we keep the locks on those compartments and live more in the open happy compartments. New kitties, happy days, moments of love with them. Then sometimes we find ourselves in the middle of the night, like I am now, turning the key to the locks that hold our sorrow if for nothing more than we just can't help ourselves, or simply to keep our long lost babies close to us in the only way that we can. Then like I am now or like some of you were thinking of your own precious kitties that are no longer living, we find ourselves completely engulfed in the pain all over again. The sadness rears it's ugly head once more and we cry. Deep painful feelings of loss. We hurt and then we lock the compartment back up and try not to dwell on it until the next time. We put on our happy faces and hug the furbabies that we have left. We smile and play and love them. We get by this way because we have to. It's the only way we can live with the grief that is never far away. Locked up tight in it's own little compartment. I hurt so bad tonight. :cry: Seeing your babies that aren't here anymore makes me feel so sad when my grief compartment is open. I sit here knowing that somewhere out there, you hurt just as bad as I do. Tomorrow though, I'll be able to look at them and smile. I can look in your kitties eyes and imagine them and their personalities and it shows me how precious life is when you have the love of a cat and how precious you are for feeling the way you do about them. What exceptional people you are. Thank you so much for sharing your lives with me.