Rules for all Dogs

THINGS DOGS MUST REMEMBER"
* I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.
* The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
* I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table.
* I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers-on.
* I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
* I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
* I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who
is sitting on the toilet.
* I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
* "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
* I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard

after processing.
* The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
* I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose on her

bottom.
* I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
* I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my

people will think I am hemorrhaging.
* When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down

when it's raining outside.
* We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
* I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard

with it.
* The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
* My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher or trash can.
* I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's

license and car registration.
* I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels while Mommy is

standing on a slippery grass slope